The Gown & The Groom

A couple of days before Regine Velasquez got married to Ogie Alcasid, she was interviewed by 24 Oras to ask if Ogie has already seen her gown. She said "Of course not, bawal diba?". The reporter followed up the question, "Why?" Regine had an irritated look on her face. "Sabi nila eh. I don't know. Surprise?" -- This is a classic example, of a bride, who was told she was not allowed to have her gown shown to her groom based on a rule/superstition that we blindly follow. 

Photo lifted from: http://people.howstuffworks.com/
 Where did this rule come from? For all we know, it was made up long, long time ago, in some far away province, where a mother had her "kumare" make a gown for her daughter, then the girl's mom saw the dress, thought it ugly, so she gave a gulp and told the groom --- "bawal makita ang gown! mamalasin kayo!" -- it was the first thing that came to her mind because she feared that the groom might run away from her daughter if he sees the ugly gown. But the groom insisted and took a peek of the bride fitting the ugly gown. As guessed by the mother, the gown scared the groom off--and news of this damned story, reached far and wide....with people murmuring "naku malas nga", "malas", "malas" tsk tsk tsk. Who knows?!?!?



Fake Smile lifted from:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/
 All we know is that the groom CANNOT see the
gown because it will bring bad fortune. But we can only guess on why it is so.

 To me? The greatest tragedy is if the groom has to fake a loving smile when his bride walks down the aisle because in truth, he hates the gown and has to keep quiet about it for the rest of their lives.


My husband was with me during the entire time my gown was being created. I chose to have
him with me because I wanted him to love my gown as much as I would. I wanted to make him feel he was part of it, because to me, his approval mattered the most.

Hindy (my gown designer) was super shocked by the very thought that my husband was with me the first time I had my fitting. But she finally got over it. In the end, the bonding and the collaboration my husband and I had, together with Hindy, during the creation process of my gown was something I can never replace with anything else. Hindy even referred to my husband as the "best groom-of-honor EVER".


People said I "spoiled" everything by involving my husband
with the creation of my gown.  On the contrary, my
bridal entrance became even  more dramatic and even
more romantic knowing that we worked on the gown together
--- for 6 months, for this very moment.
Photo by Mango Red

 A lot of my friends were shocked that I supposedly "broke" the rule too. To them, there was no longer an element of surprise. How can anyone say that? Of course the actual walk down the aisle is a hundred times different even if the groom has already seen the gown.

To start with, you will be more dolled up, you'll have the dramatic music, the actual moment exploding with your emotions---so how could it be the same? In fact, it could even heighten the dramatic feeling because in our case, even if my husband already saw my gown, we managed to have had the most romantic, intense, moment when I walked down the aisle...and it even made him tear up because according to him, flashes of when we were planning the wedding, of him going to my fittings, and finally seeing everything together made it so much more overwhelming for him.


I am not trying to persuade you to involve your groom with your gown creation -- rather, I just want to encourage you all not to blindly follow superstition just because it has been passed on from generation, to generation. I am also just sharing this with you guys because I want to make you feel, that there's nothing wrong with creating your own rules for your own wedding and believing in your own logic. And if it ever happens that your groom gave a hint that he wants to be involved with your gown then--why not? Or if ever he accidentally saw your gown, know that it is not the end of the world, and it's not something that should cause so much unnecessary drama.

Think of it this way...how would YOU feel if you didn't know what your groom was gonna wear on your wedding day and you hated it? I'll leave it at that =P

XOXO,
Kai

7 comments:

  1. -via facebook -

    Well, I think you're right. It's better that they see the gown even before everyone does just so they won't concentrate on how you look while you're walking down the aisle. Instead, they'd be able to concentrate on the feeling of excitement that they are just about to spend the rest of their lives with the woman they love. Plus, the bride won't have to worry about what the groom might think about how she looks :)

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  2. Kaye Carag-PlatonJuly 23, 2011 at 8:15 AM

    -via facebook-

    We saw each other's sketches, but that was about it. We were at each other's fittings but didn't show anything to each other :) Not for any belief but it was just more fun that way for us. I actually don't think there's a groom who stands at the altar or wherever their ceremony is, thinking "what is she wearing?"- it's not a very guy thing to think. In my case, my groom said all he saw was ME :) so in this case, i think it's really "whatever rocks your boat" :)

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  3. Nonie Tobias-AzoresJuly 23, 2011 at 8:16 AM

    -via facebook-

    para daw 'SARPRISE!'

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mutya Rose-RoldanJuly 23, 2011 at 8:16 AM

    -via facebook-

    i saw a tv show when i was a kid abt a girl who did a fitting in front of groom. the night before the wedding she was abducted & gang raped. to this day, 'di ko sya makalimutan. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  5. -via facebook-

    wahahaha Mutya Bose-Roldan! freaky!

    ReplyDelete
  6. HI Kaye,

    Maybe most guys wouldn't care on what you are wearing, but not all are like this. There are those who appreciate being asked on their inputs. In fact I know of a husband who admitted to not liking a specific style his wife wears and he only admitted to it when they got married. Also, what is sexy and stylish to women, are very different with what men find sexy and stylish.

    All I'm saying is, if the groom expresses the fact that he wants to be involved, or if ever he saw the gown by accident, these things aren't the kind of things that should create fuss.

    Also, the purpose of this blog, is to question superstition that we blindly follow. Saying upfront that the couple may opt not to see their wedding outfits so as to have an element of surprise is very different with telling people that it is "bawal" kasi "mamalasin" kayo.

    This really is, for Rebellious Brides--it's not for every kind of bride :)

    XOXO,
    Kai :)

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  7. hello kai!

    i think i'm a rebellious bride too.. hehe.. i just started reading your blogs and i find them very interesting..

    with regards to the gown and the groom,my fiance actually helped my pick the gown i will wear. we both loved the gown so much and we don't mind him knowing what i will wear on our wedding day. reason for him helping me is that i was supposed to buy a gown i loved so much online, but when it's time for me to order the gown (because i was paying for my gown), it was not available anymore. i was really sad and almost cried. when i told him that, he said let's find you a new gown and said he will pay for it. i looked for gown designs i liked & he chose the best design he thought i would look most beautiful in.. yey! i really loved my gown and can't wait for our BIG DAY. ^_^

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