STOP THE BRIDE BULLYING

NO TO BRIDE BULLYING!
Photo lifted from http://en.paperblog.com/
WE. ARE. SICK. OF. THIS. If you are a bride who is being BULLIED by the people around you, then think of a scheming way for your momzilla or your insensitive best friend, or your manipulative mother-in-law, or your bitter relatives to "accidentally" read this blog post. Because THEY NEED TO BE PUT IN THEIR PLACE. 

Here in Rebellious Brides, we receive personal messages from ex-brides and bride-to-bes on the bullying that they have gone though over the course of their wedding preps. Here are just some of the messages that really upset us the most:


"Dear Rebellious Brides, I am so sad. No matter how much we try to bring down the cost of our wedding without compromising quality or do what we really want...everyone still has something to say..."why don't you do it like this?", "why can't you just make it as simple as this?". I am seriously losing my appetite for my own wedding" 


"Dear Rebellious Brides, I want to do what I want for my own wedding. But I am not the type to be vocal about it. Everyone has an idea for my wedding. I am losing control over it. Now, I am no longer excited. It's not my wedding after all." 



"Dear Rebellious Brides, I really love your article about not having a traditional reception. I love it!! I am a number one non-reception person but my mother-in-law interfered with all my ideas for my wedding! But I just gave-in to everything my mother-in-law wanted because I was pre-occupied with exams here in the US so I just let her do whatever she wanted! I was so irritated because SHE EVEN DICTATED MY GOWN FOR ME! Every time I would try to inject my own ideas she would say that it would be embarrassing ---blahblahblah! I just surrendered because I was already in that stage where I wanted to get it over and done with so that I can get married already.

The most memorable part of my wedding was when my best friend said something about how my husband and I are just a simple couple with simple dreams and that she hopes for me to come home to Manila. Every time I remember that speech, it makes me emotional because that was the only "ME' part of our wedding. That was the only thing that I felt had a personal touch…through my friend..sorry if I’m opening so much cuz when I read your blog I really felt happy and inspired."


LEARN TO SAY NO.
IT IS YOUR WEDDING, NOT THEIRS.
Photo lifted from http://www.thisnext.com/
In my own wedding, I knew that "bride bullying" was bound to happen. I grew up with the strictest dad you could ever find (I grew up not going to gimmicks and going home early 'till I was working), and I grew up with an imposing, nagging, bratty, momzilla. In fact, I was even diagnosed with depression  because of how I was brought up. So if there's a weak person who could have easily been bride bullied, it was me. And I could smell it a mile away. So what did I do? The day we told my parents that we were getting married, I prepared a POWERPOINT presentation that had the BASIC details of our wedding. I had anticipated all their possible questions and comments and laid it out for them already. And most importantly, I told them that we were paying for our own wedding. I literally did not give room for anyone to dictate anything in my wedding. During the actual wedding, I had specifically instructed my coordinator NOT to allow anyone near me during my wedding preps unless authorized. I stayed FAR away from everyone as I can and explained to my parents that I want to de-stress before the wedding. The result? I had the peace of mind that I wanted in my own wedding. And I was able to execute my wedding, my own way. When we got married again the second time around, my parents spent for it, so naturally, I had to compromise for the things they wanted to execute for the wedding. But I still managed to control the essential things that I wanted such as the main concept, my own brunch reception with my friends, my own non-white gown, among other things. And it was not just my parents who I had to deal with, mind you. In the end, I also learned of who my REAL friends are--because you will begin to see the true colors of your friends when you are planning your wedding. I know that some people will not agree with the unconventional ways I dealt with my parents or my friends---but the fact of the matter is, THIS IS YOUR WEDDING. This is the very reason why we created Rebellious Brides. To empower brides to create and decide for their own wedding. 

If someone is trying to take over your wedding, smile, be polite--but at the back of your head, say: 
 

"W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R! 
I'll say yes to you now, but come wedding day--
 I AM DOING IT MY WAY."
 

Photo lifted from http://anglicancontinuum.blogspot.com

This is not about being a bridezilla because that's very different and we don't like bridezillas. This is about standing up for your own rights as a bride. IT IS YOUR BIG DAY. DON'T LET OTHER PEOPLE DICTATE YOUR WEDDING---INSTEAD, PUT THEM IN THEIR RIGHTFUL PLACE--WHICH IS BESIDE YOU TO SUPPORT YOU--AND NOT IN FRONT OF YOU TO LEAD YOU. 

If you are afraid that standing up for your own wedding will burn bridges, perhaps it will, and perhaps it won't. But YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE. You just simply can't. You should know that by now. Even presidents and celebrities, even God cannot please everyone in this world. Same with you. So since you cannot please everyone anyway, might as well just do what you want to do in your own wedding.

AT THE END OF THE DAY, THE TWO PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE HAPPY DURING YOUR WEDDING IS YOU AND YOUR GROOM.ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT. 

I will end this blog entry, with a scene that I remember when my brother was getting married. I was inside the car with my parents, and at the backseat, I was with my younger sister. My parents were ranting about how my brother is not considering their suggestions for his wedding. My sister and I were defending my brother but my dad had a rebuttal for each of our defense. Knowing that it was a lost cause, my sister rolled her eyes, and whispered to me: "When my time comes, I am just going to elope". Have we really come to this? Is this what we eventually want to happen in the future weddings?  Only because we are so blinded by the fact that we are not the couple and yet we act as if we are the ones getting married? 

So for those who are BRIDE BULLYING out there: JUST GET MARRIED AGAIN OR FIND YOUR OWN WEDDING OR SOMETHING. BECAUSE THE WEDDING AND THE BRIDE YOU ARE TRYING TO BULLY IS OFF LIMITS. 

Photo lifted from http://www.123rf.com/
And for the brides out there who are being bullied, COVER YOUR EARS. DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. Stay positive, release the negative energy and don't let them bully you. When everyone is failing you, hold your groom's hand, close your eyes, and envision your dream wedding. That's what matters the most. This is about the two of you. 








YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB! 
YOU ARE WELCOME HERE
WE ARE YOUR SUPPORT GROUP
Photo lifted from: http://www.clipartguide.com/


THE REBELLIOUS BRIDES ARE HERE FOR YOU. If Mica and I can just ward off all the bride bullies for you and tell them to back off, we would. Email us if you need support. LET'S FIGHT FOR YOUR OWN DREAM WEDDING

Written by Kai, but Mica and I are one in this cause, and we dedicate this blog to you, our dear Rebellious Bride :)

*follow us on twitter! @RebelliousBride 

Read related article:
ARE YOU A REBELLIOUS BRIDE?

23 comments:

  1. -VIA FACEBOOK-

    WAG MATAKOT! MAKIBAKA! NO TO BRIDE BULLYING!

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  2. -via facebook-

    I agree with this post 100%. On my wedding, I also found who my true friends are. I also had my share of people who (perhaps unintentionally) tried to put a limit on our imagination of how we wanted it to happen. I'm glad we stuck to our guns. Had you written this sooner, I would have forwarded it to a few people, to drive the point across. :D

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  3. -via facebook-

    Ikaw na ang patroness of all rebel brides. = )

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  4. -via facebook-

    I love it!!:)

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  5. -via facebook-

    ODK! tamang tama! Walang basagan ng trip! ;) may this empower closet rebellious brides out there. :D

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  6. It's more than a year before our wedding but I am bracing myself, for people who have more one thing to say about what is what's not. It came to a point where I had to cry and think of not pushing through because of so many negative vibes surrounding us. Hay. To be honest, I know that I have hurt even family when I said my piece. This is empowering you guys. Keep up the good work. If ever that I need reinforcements, will let you know. :)

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  7. Dear Aileen,

    Hang in there. We know it's difficult but we applaud you for having the guts to say your piece. It may have hurt your family but it's important for them to know what you are feeling because it is YOUR wedding. YOU ARE THE BRIDE--we can't stress this enough.

    Also, think of it this way--you have been told on what to do with almost all the aspects of your life for 20-30 YEARS. And you are only asking them ONE DAY. And you deserve that one day.

    Good luck and keep the faith!

    XOXO,
    Kai :)

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  8. Hi Rebellious Brides/Kai,

    Thank you so much for the empowering articles that you are posting recently. I am experiencing a lot of "bride bullying" right now, and sometimes, I just want to give up. Your posts inspire me. Keep it up!

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  9. i love this! I am a fan of your blog :D

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  10. HELL YEAH! I totally agree! If there's any day that you have to assert yourself it's this one -your wedding day! If you don't stand up for what you want on this day, then when?

    As Anne Hathaway so nicely put it in the movie Bride Wars, "Sometimes it's about me. Not all the time, but every once in a while, it's my time."

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  11. @einah_deguzman ""Sometimes it's about me. Not all the time, but every once in a while, it's my time." -- love it! :)

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  12. Help. I just recently got engaged, and we are planning for a january 12 2013 wedding. my fiance and i are unconventional yet simple folks, and we want our wedding to show that. We're looking at a beach wedding, but as early as now, my mother is completely against it. she wants it in manila becoz batangas is too far, what would our relatives say, manila is classier, blah blah blah. We also want it to be small, just our closest friends and family, but my mom insists that we have to invite everyone. everytime i talk to her i get so defensive, im so tired. I want to wear a blue/gray gown, but i am so scared to tell her because when i mentioned that i want my bridesmaids to wear black, she went postal. Im kinda fed up with this whole thing.sorry i'm ranting, but im just effin fed up.

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  13. @close_to_insanity - Sorry to hear that you have a momzilla. Hang in there. We can't stress this enough -- it is YOUR wedding and not hers. We can talk about this more. Email us at: rebellious.bride@gmail.com so we can personally help you and give you advice.

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  14. Yey! completely agree -- No to Bride Bullying. All brides out there, just follow your own heart and dont let anyone dictate anything abt ur wedding.

    i just had my wedding in baguio recently and what i did to ward off my momzilla and sometimes popzilla was to tell them we'll be having a 2nd reception in manila and they can do whatever they want for that party. it actually worked out fine. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for sharing Kat! Good to hear that it turned out well for you :)

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  15. Dear Rebellious Brides,
    Thank you for replying to my post last month, it really gave me that much needed boost to finally talk to my mother.It gave me the strength to stand up against her bullying, and after three weeks of crazy, tearful,scream-fests of phone calls ( i live abroad), she finally caved in and accepted that I am not the typical bride, and my wedding will never be the cookie-cutter extravaganza she was hoping for. Things are off to a rocky, albeit more cheerful re-start. hehe. Thanks guys.. XOXO!!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Close to Insanity,

      In the end it is all worth it. We're glad to have helped in our own little way. Good luck to your wedding preps! :)

      Delete
  16. HI! I came across this article and I just want to ask: If youre in my position, how can you say to your aunt who has a kid that you dont want her kid to be your flower girl? shes so persistent and assumes I want her kid there! grrr

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    Replies
    1. Hi mars_a_bride! Maybe you can politely tell her you've already chosen a flower girl and can't afford to add one more. But if she is the type to insist then maybe you can tell her you don't have flower girls. Then just call your real flower girls as "little brides" ;) Good luck and I hope you find a way around it. If all else fail, just go for honesty. It will hurt but at least you told the truth :)

      -rb mica

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  17. i can really relate on this post :( my wedding's on the 26th of May, and I've been hearing a lot of negative comments from some of my friends. i really hate it everytime i hear not so good comments about my plans. I've been a hands on bride ever since so i get too emotional and frantic if they have a "say" on what i want to do. some would even that the design i chose for my abay's would ruin my wedding day.
    this is what i want, and this is what i can only afford. they are too pakielameros and pakielameras. i'm sick and tired of hearing their comments :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Katrine,

      Hang in there! Be happy because you are getting married and you have a wonderful groom holding you. Don't let the "pakialameros" win--all you have to do, is absentmindedly listen to them rant (even sing a song in your head) so you don't get to absorb their mean remarks.

      Good luck! All the best :)

      Delete
  18. im not even talking to my dad right now because all i hear him say are negative comments and never a good suggestion. i just had to free myself from all the bad vibes so i can keep my mind set on realizing the wedding that i wanted. its just kind of unfortunate that it had to be this way.

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  19. Hi RB Girls! I couldn't be any thankful that I came across this article. I'm a bride-to-be and our wedding is not until June 4 of this year. I have a strange feeling of being bullied not straight-to-my-face but behind my back. The only difference now is that I've felt that I had enough bullying in my childhood years that I now know how to speak up. I'm sharing my post from my personal blog which other girls might relate to. Thank you so much for empowering brides like us. God bless! :)

    http://www.expresslaine.blogspot.com/2013/12/plasticity-is-toxicity.html

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