|Photo credits: hastings-crystal.co.uk|
I have been an avid reader of your blog and I'm a rebellious bride myself but right now I'm writing because I'm desperate to seek advise from all the brides out there who have broken the tradition where the groom is supposed to shoulder all the expenses for the wedding.
I didn't realize that my parents would be very strict about this one. They even refuse to go to the wedding if I'd still contribute to our expenses. The wedding is planned to happen in 3 months and I really don't want my groom to stress over how we are going to cover all our expenses if I no longer help. If we'd known this would be such an issue then I would have picked a date enough for my groom to be able to save enough money. I am not really ok with the idea of asking for my groom's parents to contribute.They are old and their income is just enough for their daily needs. I just don't know what to do. I didn't expect this at all.
To be honest I don't mind helping my groom. Is this normal? I've known a lot of friends who have been married who were in the same situation but their parents were at least supportive about it. :( My parents won't even hear me out. :( Do we just borrow from the bank? Am I really completely wrong about helping out with the wedding expenses? A word from you would really help me.
From the RBs,
We're sorry to hear that you are experiencing this right now.
Out of 10 brides that we have interviewed about this topic, only ONE groom/groom's family took care of the wedding at 100% and this was in 2006. All the other brides who have been married from 2008-2012 have all contributed money to their respective weddings one way or another.
To be more specific, here's a rundown:
|Photo credits: bridalbuds.com|
Bride C shares: "We had a wedding fund of our own. So in effect, it was me and my husband controlling the budget and deciding on wedding details and expenses all the way. We had 100% control of the wedding and we're proud of it" :)
|Photo credits: weddingbycolor.com|
Bride Y shares: "My groom's family spent for majority of the wedding but not 100%. I think it's just a matter of fairly assessing which family can afford to pay for the lions share. Of course we offered to take care of some thing but my groom's family insisted. I think in the end the only thing that we managed to take care of after much insisting are the flowers and invitations."
Only 10% or 1 out of 10 brides said that the groom's parents paid for everything but only because of financial problems from the bride's side of the family. The original plan was that the bride's family was going to contribute to the expenses for bridal & entourage gowns but it was just not possible in the end.
We understand that this must be a very difficult time for you---to be pressured this way by your parents is quite frankly, very sad. But their beliefs are simply too traditional and old school. Times are definitely changing--where have they been all these years?
Expenses in general should not be discussed with the parents anymore especially if it's not their money that's involved in the situation. Your money is your money and you can choose how to spend it in whichever way you want to spend it.
|Photo credits: thisnext.com|
Money matters is always a sticky situation. But don't spend for your wedding beyond your means. I won't recommend borrowing money from the bank. Plan a wedding that only fits the budget. Don't add additional elements that will worsen the financial situation. A wedding, with all its beauty, don't need all the "frou frou" in this world. Fine, we love the details, but simplicity is still the key. And sometimes being rebellious is going against the flow of the usual intricate wedding details and keeping it understated. What matters are the vows, the contract of marriage. Everything else is just "nice to have"
|Photo credits: zestweddings.com|
Good luck and we hope this somehow helped you.
Are you in the same situation ladies? Or were you in the same situation? How did you handle it?