The Wedding Fund - Who Pays?

Photo credits: hastings-crystal.co.uk

Hello RB,

I have been an avid reader of your blog and I'm a rebellious bride myself but right now I'm writing because I'm desperate to seek advise from all the brides out there who have broken the tradition where the groom is supposed to shoulder all the expenses for the wedding.

I didn't realize that my parents would be very strict about this one. They even refuse to go to the wedding if I'd still contribute to our expenses. The wedding is planned to happen in 3 months and I really don't want my groom to stress over how we are going to cover all our expenses if I no longer help. If we'd known this would be such an issue then I would have picked a date enough for my groom to be able to save enough money.  I am not really ok with the idea of asking for my groom's parents to contribute.They are old and their income is just enough for their daily needs. I just don't know what to do. I didn't expect this at all.

To be honest I don't mind helping my groom. Is this normal? I've known a lot of friends who have been married who were in the same situation but their parents were at least supportive about it. :( My parents won't even hear me out. :( Do we just borrow from the bank? Am I really completely wrong about helping out with the wedding expenses? A word from you would really help me.


From the RBs,

We're sorry to hear that you are experiencing this right now. 

Out of 10 brides that we have interviewed about this topic, only ONE groom/groom's family took care of the wedding at 100% and this was in 2006. All the other brides who have been married from 2008-2012 have all contributed money to their respective weddings one way or another.

To be more specific, here's a rundown:

Photo credits: bridalbuds.com

60% or 6 out of 10 brides had a conjugal wedding fund with their grooms and have mutually shouldered the costs for their wedding. In fact, they have specifically chosen to do this because they didn't want to ask money from their parents and they wanted full control of their wedding preps. Some of the brides have also added that their parents voluntarily added to their wedding fund but overall it was really the couples who spent for their own wedding. There was also one case wherein the couple first borrowed money from the bride's parents for the wedding, then the couple paid it off together immediately after.

Bride C shares: "We had a wedding fund of our own. So in effect, it was me and my husband controlling the budget and deciding on wedding details and expenses all the way. We had 100% control of the wedding and we're proud of it" :)

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